Many benefits of breastfeeding have been recognized in the literature, although some benefits are not well known. For example, according to undocumented anecdotal reports from unidentified and highly questionable sources with top-secret conspiracy agendas, infants who are breastfed are:
• 48% more likely to appear in The New York Times (news pages, 17% for Sunday Magazine).
• 22% more likely to be supertasters.
• 31% more likely to use French phrases in conversation unnecessarily.
• 19% more likely to volunteer for interplanetary travel.
• 70% more likely to star in eponymous reality shows.
• 36% more likely to summit Mount Everest (1.9% without the assistance of Sherpa).
• 81% more likely to acquire impressive looking home libraries.
• 15% more likely to gain, then lose, incredible fortunes (12% more than once).
• 97% more likely to become Olympic competitors for hard-to-spell countries.
• 29% less likely to become Internet humorists.
— Peyton Price
Peyton Price is the author of Suburban Haiku: Poetic Dispatches From Behind The Picket Fence, even though she was bottle fed. You can find the poor thing failing to live up to her potential on Facebook and at suburbanhaiku.com.