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5 takeaways from the Christmas classic, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer”

Paul_Lander(This piece originally appeared in The Huffington Post. Reposted by permission of the author.)

Reindeer can be real a-holes. How else do you explain, “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games?”

Santa, you damn opportunist. Huh, jolly guy, why did it take “one foggy Christmas Eve” for you to say “Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?” Well, well we’re waiting…

Rudolph’s fellow reindeer were ‘red nose-ists.’ And, the whole sordid incident should be known as the ‘Red Nose Scare.’

Reindeer need to get a grip, you’re reindeer for goodness sake. Face it, Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, and Donner and Blitzen, you’re one poor choice of flight path from being stew at Sarah Palin’s house.

And, we’re all to blame. How hard would it have been for any of us to have picked up the phone and made this call: “PETA, I want to report a fat guy in a red suit abusing a bunch of reindeer.”

— Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Nobel Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa’s indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has worked as a writer and/or producer for shows on ABC, NBC, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO and Lifetime. In addition, he’s written stand-up material that’s been performed on “Leno,” “Letterman,” “Conan” and “Last Comic Standing.” His humor pieces have appeared in Huff Post Comedy, McSweeney’s, The New YorkerSanta Fe Writers Project Journal, Humor Times, The Higgs Weldon and Hobo Pancake. In 2015, he placed second in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists’ annual column contest in the online/blog/multimedia category for his pieces in Humor Times and was named the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop’s “Humor Writer of the Month.”

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