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Seasonal disorder

Men, dear men. They are so naïve. They are slowly but surely being conned into believing that we are all equals. It is absurd.

It is imperative that men understand that they are not like women, no matter how much they would like to be. The difference can be dramatic. This is not meant to be judgmental. Merely an observation.

FACT: Men borrow their wives’ cuticle scissors to cut the hair in their nose. That is considered all right. When the same wives use their husbands’ razors on their legs, the men get hysterical.

FACT: Women are well informed in many areas and will offer to share their knowledge whenever necessary and — occasionally when it is not. Men care mostly about sports, business and Heidi Klum. If any other conversation is brought up, they begin to snore.

FACT: Men complain if they have to wait 15 lousy minutes for a woman to get dressed. Yet, my friend is still waiting for her guy to come back with bread he went to buy. It’s been two years. Fortunately, she is on a gluten-free diet so she’s patient.

FACT: We encourage our men to communicate with us. They encourage us to get laryngitis. (“Bella, sleep with the windows open. It’s good for you.”)

OBSERVATION: It is not impossible for a man to accomplish the task of being equal to women. There are probably some jobs that they might do as well. And if so, they absolutely should be paid as well, too.

FACT: There is a congenital difference. It is the hormone factor, not a reflection on character, but the burden of being male. Yearly, they experience “that time of the year.” Symptoms include yelling, screaming and bursting into tears. The most latter is the saddest to witness. I have seen it happen in the best of families, including my own.

That is why I am considerate and loving during that difficult time. I recognize that it is a part of maleness.

It happens every time their football team is defeated.

The anguish continues during each instant replay or recap and is intensified every time I accidentally mention the losing score.

I believe women should not flaunt their natural superiority at this time. Instead, each in her own way should exhibit love and affection during her man’s “seasonal.”

Remember, men do get teary. So when they do get teary, try a little tenderness.

— Jan Marshall

Jan Marshall is an author, humor columnist, certified clinical hypnotherapist and motivational speaker. She established the International Humor & Healing Institute in 1986. Prominent physicians and other board members, including Steve Allen and Norman Cousins, shared her techniques for healing through hope and laughter. She also has created and hosted two television series. Steve Allen was her favorite guest, and she became a regular nag/humorist on his syndicated WNEW radio show. Her first book, Still Hanging in There: Confessions of a Totaled Woman, is still available at Amazon and www.barnesandnoble.com. Her satirical survival book, Dancin’ Shmancin’ with the Scars: Finding the Humor No Matter What!, is available on Amazon.

Reflections of Erma