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Answer to my dreams

And there it was.  The answer to my dreams.  It was right in my husband’s head all along.  Who knew?

It all comes down to the amazing humor of said husband.

We’d both been unemployed for over a year.  Funds were getting scarce.  Appointments for job interviews were nowhere to be found.  We were getting desperate.  That’s when it came to him — his idea for an internet start-up business that would make us rich. Well, at the very least, maybe it would pay some of the bills.  I’ll tell you all about this amazing new business model, but you must first promise not to steal it because we’ve yet to set it up with all the copyrights, trademarks and other necessary legaleeze. So no stealing our idea. Ok?  Promise?  Here it is.

Being from Texas originally, there is no shortage of cow dung to be freely found on open land.  We would have two sources of income.  One would be from a service we would start in which cow owners would pay us to clean up all their cow poop cakes. Just like dog pooper scoopers, we would be cow dung dippers. This would be part A of our master plan.

Part B of the plan had to do with what we did after we collected our load of cow patty-cakes. We would set them out in the sun to dry. Once they were good and dry, we would paint them in various bright and happy colors. After spending our time watching the paint dry on the cakes, we would then set about inscribing each one with a different biblical quote — each one with a different message of inspiration.

Then, we’d go about selling them on our website: www.holyshi*t.com.

I don’t know about you, but I think we’d sell ‘em like hotcakes.

— Leslie Handler

Leslie Handler is a 2015 National Society of Newspaper Columnists award winner. She is a frequent contributor to WHYY’s Newsworks, has written for The Philadelphia Inquirer, ZestNow and Boomercafe, as well as blogs for The Huffington Post. She has a bachelor of journalism degree and currently lives smack dab between Philadelphia and New York City with husband Marty, dogs Maggie and Hazel, a collection of fish, said husband’s cockatoo who she’s been trying to roast for dinner for the last 31 years, and a few occasional uninvited guests. You may follow her blog and read published essays at Leslie goes BOOM!

Reflections of Erma