As a mom who has worked from home for a really long time, the thought of interviewing for a job that’s an actual office job is daunting. I was talking with my family at dinner one night about my upcoming interviews and mentioned I was worried about what questions I might be asked. They might look something like this . . .
1.We’ve reviewed your Twitter account and read that you sometimes run work decisions by your dog and make your decisions based on the velocity of your dog’s tail-wagging. Since you can’t bring your dog to work, explain how you’ll make work-related decisions?
2.You mentioned on Facebook that you have methods of dealing with procrastination. Since you won’t be able to go to your friend’s house for a second breakfast, clean out closets, go to the park, take long baths, make a variation of avocado toast or take a nap, how will deal with your procrastination in the workplace?
3.Though we would be uncomfortable pointing out that you have worn the same shirt for three days, we hope that you would not put us in that position. What are your thoughts here?
4.There’s no Kahlua or anything stronger in the break room for your early evening coffee. Is this a deal breaker?
5.You tweet a lot about your “thinking couch” that you stretch out on when you need to think through a project. If you get this position, you would not have a couch in your office. Help us understand how you will do your thinking when you are at work?
6.We don’t have a cozy porch for you to work on when you need a change of scenery. How does that make you feel?
7.Everyone must ask you this, but it’s very important. We don’t have pajama days here, and yoga pants are not appropriate work attire. Can you deal with wearing other forms of work-appropriate elastic waisted pants?
8.BuzzFeed quizzes are prohibited during working hours. OK? And, you do know they are not accurate, don’t you?
9.Your dog won’t be allowed to lounge underneath your desk and keep your feet warm as you work. Tell us how you feel about that?
10.Though there’s plenty of coffee in the break room, you do realize you can’t drink the entire pot of morning coffee yourself, right?
11.Will you miss your mid-morning spoonful of peanut butter? How about the quick store runs for Ben & Jerry’s when you have writer’s block?
12.Since most of your meetings for the past few years have been via phone, you do realize that if your get this job, we’ll now be able to see your eye rolls during meetings? Will you be able to control them?
13.You may miss an Anthropologie sale or two since you are working regular office hours. Does that make you sad?
14.You mentioned on social media that your coping mechanism when you have work stress is usually a loud snack like kettle cooked chips. Do you have any quieter snacks that you can use for this?
Melissa Jablonowski is a humor writer who writes about motherhood, midlife, and more. This article also appears on Her View From Home.