Yup! I am about to be out of a job, and technology is to blame. Self-driving cars are to become a reality.
How they will ever maneuver without me it is simply too soon to say.
FACTOID: I am a professional back-seat driver though my actual location has always been sitting in front next to the human navigator.
It is not any easy task as I have to be conscientious in able to instruct my partner while prompting him to keep his eyes on the road ahead.
I see myself as director of traffic, and others in their naivete who deem it as “none of my business” are irresponsible. I see it as helping my small area of humanity to be cautious and safe.
“You’re driving too slow.”
“You’re driving too fast.”
“Keep your eyes on the road.”
“Stop looking at the blonde in the bikini.”
“Oh boy, you are so naive.”
“That is not her real nose.”
“She’s probably a Hollywood starlet.”
“Oops, is that Ivanka?”
I do recall that one time, when obviously someone’s prayers were answered, I developed laryngitis and couldn’t speak.
First, he checked his ears to make sure his hearing aid was turned on. Then, because of the eerie silence, started to turn back thinking he left me at home.
Since this could happen, or something even more dire — these job-killing self-driving vehicles make my vital contribution to humanity obsolete — I asked my assistant Siri to record my suggestions for the driver and for posterity.
I thought she seemed to be writing my “To Do” and “Not To Do” list. Then she stopped and shouted, “You, Jan, are the reason self-driving vehicles were necessary in the first place. Get out of the car!”
I’m switching to Alexa.
— Jan Marshall
Jan Marshall is an author of humor and healing books, a humor consultant and newspaper columnist.