Yes, the shoe you are chewing on probably does taste bad, and if you don’t stop bending your foot up to your mouth in that way you are going to need a chiropractor.
Keep your clothes on during math class.
Keep your clothes on during every class.
Noticing that your mom signed “Jason’s Mom” on your report, I wonder, is she familiar with her own name?
Holding intelligence contests among your peers to determine the lucky winner of “who’s allowed to tie my shoelaces for me throughout the day, every day,” is not an acceptable use of your time.
If your foot hurts when you kick Seamus, stop kicking Seamus.
Of course I must have misplaced your homework today, which would be different from all the other days… ever.
I absolutely did mean to do this to my eyebrows, thank you for noticing.
Elmer’s school glue is rarely recommended for use as eye drops.
Well no, John Cena most likely doesn’t have abs like yours, but right now we’re focusing on the addition with making trades algorithm. Keep your clothes on during math class.
You’re headed to the “peanut” store so that you can be a boy for Halloween. Where are the “peanuts” stocked by the way? Ah… just behind the raincoats.
Stuffing your fingers up your nose all morning might be the reason your head hurts a little.
You’re right, teachers do know almost everything, but no, I don’t know if Tom Brady cheated.
Don’t eat too many crayons, you’ll spoil your lunch.
While you may hear your cell phone buzzing in your locker, now is not the time to answer and see if your neighbor is ringing to arrange a play date… it was truly a relief to me yesterday to discover that you didn’t miss an important phone call while we were conjugating verbs.
Your aunt may have told you that you can hang out the classroom window singing “Stacey’s Mom,” but I’m going to have to say no today.
You actually do not have to keep a pair of backup high heels in your locker, playground swings don’t do much damage to stilettos.
We don’t tell our classmates in the hamburger lunch line that they are all murderers.
If you have forgotten to turn off the chandelier in your locker, you will have to wait and do it after we get back from reading our books to the therapy dogs.
Yes, you do have to come back tomorrow.
Vicki Austin, faculty and dorm parent at Wyoming Seminary College Preparatory School, lives with her husband, two children, and 80 or so other teenage boys in Kingston, PA. Vicki has more than twenty years of experience in many facets of education and is currently shifting her writing focus from persuasive to creative. Vicki’s most recent work has been featured on the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop, included in the online journals Projected Letters and Wraparound South and printed in The Walls Between Us: Essays in Search of Truth, a Juncture publication. You can find Vicki on Twitter @VickiAustin02.