I was never a crier. Funerals, pain, childbirth, Hallmark commercials, I never shed a tear. I took pride in being tough, cold, a bruiser. Now, at forty-three, I’m a sobbing mess of my former self, but only when I’m watching Star Wars.
In my defense, A New Hope and I were born five months apart, Carrie Fisher and I practically shared the same first name and my best friend and I played Princess Leia every day during third-grade recess. I was Princess Leia in the bounty hunter outfit. She was Jaba the Hut Bikini Leia. Things didn’t change much when we grew up. These days, I’m working non-stop, and she lives in a mansion with her rich hubby. Most importantly, though, throughout these defining years, I have watched all seven movies without shedding a tear.
Fast-forward to my forties and the sniveling over science-fiction escalated. I was so much of a hot mess during The Last Jedi that my teenage daughter asked me to skip The Rise of Skywalker unless I promised to keep it together. I made my vow, but that was before I knew George Lucas wrote such a tear-jerker.
Like C3PO’s Memory Loss. Was that really necessary? Poor, poor grandma, I mean C3PO couldn’t remember a thing anymore. What will the rest of the gang do without her, I mean, him? How will they carry on without his wisdom?
I’ll admit it. I was a bit embarrassed when I wiped my eyes over Leia’s death in Rise of the Skywalker considering she actually passed away three years ago, and her presence in this movie was obvious CGI technology. You would think I would be over it by now, but, why can’t someone else die? Like… Chewy.
Oh my God, George! You actually killed off Chewy! And an explosion? He doesn’t deserve that kind of violent death. He’s the perfect companion and so, so sweet. How could you?
Oh wait. He’s alive. Just captured. Thank God.
Rey is dead now too. Seriously? First off, she’s way, way, way too young. Plus, the resistance needs her strength now that Leia is gone.
Oh wait. Another plot twist. And no…. The twists aren’t that obvious even though I hold an advanced degree in fiction.
Ewoks! I love Ewoks. And who knew I could flail my arms like a happy Kermit?
Stop looking at me, kids. You’re too young to understand these mature, ever-changing emotions. Lando’s ‘Wahoo’ while he piloted the Millennium Falcon were happy tears. It’s one of the most iconic lines in film: a staple of my childhood that reminds me of happy memories with my parents, friends and brother, which are quickly ending just like this movie, this series, our lives.
And now my childhood heroes are ghosts like old Obi One Kenobi and Yoda? George, you can’t be serious.
They’re not– I’m not– that old.
Keri Kelly is a professor, award-winning author, comedy writer and mom. When she’s not writing, Keri can be found surfing small waves with her kiddos and fist pumping at the Jersey Shore. Learn more and say hello at www.kerikelly.com.