In recent years, we’ve been hearing a lot about the possible demise of shopping malls in America, and in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, the situation seems particularly dire — especially for us nostalgic dweebs of the 1980s who depended on malls for our embarrassing fashion choices and futile dating rituals. Well, I say it’s time to take a stand, and I’m proud that my three daughters (and my Visa card) are doing everything in their power to keep malls alive and me in debt. […]
Essays and News
“Ron is gifted,” my mother said to anyone who would listen. She’d gaze at my brother with such loving eyes, birds would start chirping, the sun would appear from behind the clouds, and Neil Diamond songs would play.
When she’d look at me, her wide eyes would narrow as if she was searching her brain for the right words. “And Keri. Well, she’s…. well-rounded.”
My brother was a present wrapped with a big red bow. […]
Dear Mr./Ms. High-Powered Publisher,
I’m retired from writing the metro column for the Evansville, Indiana Courier & Press.
But never mind that right now.
My, oh my, do I have an opportunity for you.
I’m pitching a can’t-miss book proposal that will net millions the world over.
And I promise to give most of my share to our grandchildren.
After I buy a villa in Cannes.
My challenge to readers is so simple, yet so compelling, […]
The news has been devastating lately, and this weekend I needed an escape. Since I still don’t feel comfortable going anywhere while Coronavirus is lurking, my own backyard “escape” was the best I could do. Bad idea … bad, bad idea.
With my beach towel, glitter pool float (makeshift pool chair) and sunscreen in hand, I set out for the backyard. “I have good news, boys!” I declared. “Go ahead and fill up both pools, […]
When the moon hits the sky like a big pizza pie, that’s a-boring.
And that’s why my wife, Sue, desperate for a diversion during the quarantine, asked me to help her make pizza.
“I’m bored out of my mind,” she explained, apparently not bothered by the fact that her husband, who has been driving her crazy while she’s been cooped up in the house all these weeks, has been out of his mind for the entire 42 years of our marriage. […]