What guy takes his granddaughter to the aquarium and spouts fish puns all day? In Grandfather Knows Best: A Geezer’s Guide To Life, Immaturity, And Learning How To Change Diapers All Over Again, nationally syndicated humorist Jerry Zezima writes about the joys of grandparenthood and the things one man will do for the little girl who has captured his heart. He’s the author of the Leave It to Boomer and The Empty Nest Chronicles and serves as president of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists. […]
Essays and News
I spent many a childhood evening around the kitchen table eschewing Monopoly because my brother stole from the bank and pretended to flatten my dog token with his iron one. That’s when Clue became my game of choice. And oh — the pertinent things it taught me!
SCARLET — I learned that Miss Scarlet is either a southern Belle with a petulant personality (and an 18-inch waist!) who makes sure that men frankly DO give a damn or she’s a smoldering femme fatale character with a long cigarette holder who would be pronounced guilty if “looks could kill.” I realized that by choosing Miss Scarlet, […]
The Super Bowl is a waste of time.
With that in mind, during Sunday’s behemoth boondoggle I recommend you take wasting time to new heights.
Your goal should be — trust me on this — is to waste more time and be less productive during the game than any one of the 100 billion who will tune in.
For your first time-wasting task, take out a yellow notepad. As the first quarter unfolds, […]
It all started with the misguided decision that I should try something new. Why I thought the answer was boot-camp class and not a nice wine-tasting class remains a mystery.
The first sign of trouble appears when I see the teacher, whom I will call Miss Perky. She’s just finished teaching a weights-workout class, yet she remains alert and ready to lead boot camp. She is a petite, lean, muscle-covered machine. Tiny droplets of enthusiasm glisten on her forehead. […]
There’s a first time for everything. Ah yes, I remember the days when, if you wanted a table in a busy restaurant, the hostess would write your name on a pad, tell you how many minutes you’d have to wait, and point you towards a comfortable sitting area.
Then along came those annoying buzzer things to hold or stick in your pocket. They resemble something from “Star Wars.” Scare the bejesus out of you when they buzz. […]