When this pandemic started and my husband and I began our safer-at-home lifestyle, I was sure I’d come out of it 10 pounds lighter and speaking French. Instead I’ve gained five pounds and the only parlez-vou I can say is fromage. More fromage!
I’ve since discovered that there is something about a pandemic that touches our deepest, most insecure places. And for many of us, it results in hoarding anything that makes us feel safer. […]

Jerry, Jerry, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
Not too well, unfortunately, because my green thumb is probably a fungus and my wife, Sue, is the real gardener in the family. I just provide the fertilizer.
But since the weather was nice and we wanted to get out of the house, where Sue has been stuck with me since the quarantine began, I decided to help start her garden, where she will grow all the vegetables I don’t like but have to eat anyway because, […]

“This,” my husband announces, “has to be dealt with.” He holds aloft a jumbo bag of what used to be kale but now looks like compost. I’ve never seen the bag before and don’t want to see it now. His words signal that tonight’s menu will revolve around an ill-advised purchase by a man who forgot we do not like kale and cannot make it taste like steak.
My spouse enjoys this little hide-and-seek ritual with fresh produce. […]

Dear Budleigh,
I know all about coronavirus, but do we really need to be wearing face masks everywhere? I walk around the grocery store and feel like an extra in a Tarantino bank heist movie. A lot of these health guidelines seem confusing and arbitrary. Who should we believe?
The answer, of course, is Budleigh. Mask or unmask? What’s your opinion?
Safe in Seattle
Dear SS,
I never wear a mask for reasons of both style and snout. […]

People are freaking out at the possibility that one day artificial intelligence (AI) will take away so many jobs done by humans, and become so smart, that it will threaten the livelihoods and quality of lives of human beings. Some people fear AI will become so smart that people will be stupid by comparison. Scary thought, indeed.
But there’s a way for people to fight this battle. The idea is to confuse and play mind games with AI. […]