Day 1
Announce to your 6-year-old child and husband that you are finally going to kick your crack habit. Ask for their loving, non-enabling support. Tell them, with their help, your body will be pure once again! Tell them this isn’t like those 13 other times you’ve tried to quit. And tell them you are way stronger now — and not to think of that unfortunate time back in 2010. Post to Facebook and graciously accept sincere congratulations from friends across the nation. […]

It started when he rented a billboard that said,  “I love you, Tracy.” My name is not Tracy. He started to refer to me as his current wife though we had married right out of junior high school.
Returning from the office two days late, he explained traffic was particularly hellish that week. I felt so much compassion for him.
When he secretly joined an organization called “Parents without Partners who Pester” and attended an all-male grieving support group at church, […]

Remember being a kid and wanting people to think you are older than you are?
“I’m 12.  And a half.”
Don’t forget the half.
As adults, we reach a point when that changes.
Rounding up our age is no longer desirable.
So we lie.
For years I jokingly told my kids I was 29. Mostly jokingly. Well, sort of jokingly.
One day I finally came to the realization that saying I was 29 was essentially telling my kids that I got pregnant when I was 12. […]

You know you’re over the hill when you can’t even get a pat down from the TSA.
Last weekend, my sweetheart Steve and I stood in the security line at the Oakland airport on our way to Los Angeles to visit his son.  I hadn’t been there in over a year, and I now noticed that they had installed one of those dreaded X-ray machines.
I carefully read all the signs informing passengers that they could choose either:  a) to be radiated by a machine that emits “back scatter,” or b) to submit to a pat down.   […]

My husband and I love making stuff up. We aren’t quite normal. We repeat this nonsense so often that it becomes a part of our story. Soon, we are not even sure if it is not true.
Take this morning, a perfectly agreeable Saturday morning.  We slept in, a lovely bonus sleep time with no alarm clock. The cat slept between us, and it was just chilly enough to enjoy a crumpled blanket over my face. […]